How to cheat at cooking

Actually, there's no such thing. But I've got a list of ten shortcuts to make life easier over the festive season (or any time), plus two ingenious, effortless "cheat" recipes for ragu and ice cream.

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True story. A few years back a friend hosted a dinner party for quite a large a crowd. The meal was a triumph, and one side dish in particular, involving white beans, was so delicious I asked her for the recipe. (This was at the dawn of time, when beans either meant Heinz on toast or smelly health food shops). She muttered something about anchovies and then drifted off to refill glasses. When I followed the query up in my thank-you email - aren’t I annoying? - she fessed up. She had cleverly bought all the sides, including the bean dish, from Ottolenghi’s.

I wonder when and why the memo went out that we had to execute culinary contortions (or at least pretend we have) when feeding family and friends? Why did my pal feel she couldn’t say she’d simply bought in some of the food? When did cooking become so performative? Worse, when did we start feeling that we have to pretend not to haveput much effort into an elaborate meal, dismissing the suggestion that we have dojne so with a ‘shucks, it was nothing’ wave of of the hand?

This pressure to put hard graft into every meal (prompted by the rise of telly chefs? the profusion of cook books on our shelves? social media? the foodification of just abnout everything everything?) has redefined what it means to cook normally. And in the process, the very idea of taking it easy in the kitchen, perhaps by using shop-bought ingredients, has been reframed as “cheating”, as if it were an act of dishonesty (which is the definition of cheating). This notion is madness.

I’m more than up for a culinary challenge - check out this baby I spent the best part of two days making last weekend. But like all food writers, what I actually eat most of the time (toast, pasta, jacket potatoes, fridge flotsam, spoonfuls of peanut butter) isn’t complicated. I “cheat” all the time because who has the energy or time to do otherwise?

And if ever there was a good time to “cheat”, it’s now, because …. well … December. It’s tricky, isn’t it? Not that I’m busy dashing from one velvet-and-sequin-trimmed festive event to the next. But my headspace is so over-crowded just now, because of all the stuff that needs doing before Christmas. You might be suffering similar mental overload?

So, this week I’m going to share ten of my favourite kitchen “cheats”. They’re not cheating, of course, simply shortcuts, ingredients, tools and suggestions to make cooking delicious food easier, and might help you too at this crazy-lovely time of year.

Plus, I’ve got two recipes for you - more instructions really - for delicious “cheat” dishes that could pull the wool over anyone’s eyes. If you want to

1. Samyang instant noodles are my lifeblood (this is a brand I love but there are lots of other good ones in Asian supermarkets). I’ve been fuelling myself on gussied-up bowlfuls of this stuff for years. Make the soup as per packet instructions - the work of moments - and add any or all of the following: a jammy boiled egg, leftover cooked meat, chicken, (turkey!) or veg, frozen peas, snipped herbs and leafy greens. Top tip: a squirt of sriracha sauce and a spoonful of peanut butter stirred into the soup gives a delicious satay sauce vibe. Top with chilli crisp, naturally. Get loads of these noodles in for the festive period, they’re a godsend.

2. Yes, mayonnaise takes minutes to make from scratch, but sometimes I can’t be arsed when shop-bought is so easy to sexy up. Try the following to upgrade good ready-made mayo: crushed garlic (leave to sit for a while to infuse, perfect on anything); a squirt of sriracha or other chilli sauce, plus a squeeze of lime; capers, chopped gherkins and lemon juice (for fish); apple sauce (excellent slathered on a leftover roast pork sandwich); anchovies, garlic and chopped capers; a squeeze of orange juice and zest, or any other citrus; chopped fresh herbs, the really perfumed ones are brilliant like tarragon, basil and mint; honey and your favourite mustard.

3. If you do love making mayo from scratch, do it with an immersion blender, it makes preparing it by hand seem like insanity. The technique’s been all over the internet for a while and really does work, not just for mayo but for other emulsified sauces like hollandaise. Here’s just one example that shows you how to do it in 2 minutes: it’s foolproof but be sure to use the right size jug or jar. There’s a sciency reason for this, but don’t ask me to explain it.

4. Hang the metaphorical groovy earrings on a simple meal to make it exponentially more appealing, for minimum extra effort. I’ve written about how to accessorise your dinner before, here. I’d also recommend

   Flavour Nuggets
   for deeply delicious pimping ideas and also the cookbook Ottolenghi Test Kitchen Extra Good Things, where the guru himselves gives away some of his secrets.

5. Cooking shouldn’t be an act of martyrdom, so if buying ready-made products takes the weight off, dive in. Pre-chopped herbs, vegetables (onion!) and garlic save loads of time. My favourites are infused olive oils, like garlic and basil, which save loads of faff. (You know when you’re so pressed for time or low on mojo that even the idea of peeling a garlic clove brings you close to melt down? Have these oils to hand.) Since I discovered Mutti ‘s brilliant range of tinned pizza sauces, chopped tomatoes herbs or garlic, I’ve almost completely stopped making tomato sauce from scratch. Almost.

6. Substitutions. If you’re following a recipe and don’t have all of the extraneous ingredients, most of the time you can sub them to save heading to the shops. Any soft herb can be swapped for another soft herb at a pinch (except for, possibly, dill or coriander, which some people really have an aversion to). Ergo, If you don’t have basil but there’s parsley that needs using up, use that. The recipe will still work. Same goes for woody herbs like rosemary and thyme.

7. As per above, if you don’t have miso paste, use Marmite. (Stir in bit by bit, tasting between each addition, to ensure you don’t overdo it). Also, if you’re out of tinned tomatoes use tomato paste.

8. Learn to use a pressure cooker, it honestly saves SO MUCH TIME. If this kind of cooking is new to you, head to

   Catherine Phipps
   for everything you need to know, and buy one of her books. I’d start with this one, which is brilliant, but she has a newer one out - equally fab.

9. Lean into your meecrowaavay. If you’re still sniffy about these amazing appliances, get with the programme, because they now get the thumbs up from very good chefs and cooks. I use mine regularly for steaming green vegetables like broccoli (3 minutes, full power, no water in a sealed container with a vent). Also rice. Also porridge (kill me). Chef

   Tim Anderson
   recently published a brilliant book containing all you need to know about raising your microwave game.

10. I used to hate those ready-made filled pastas you can buy at the supermarket but my kids have convinced me of their virtues. However, I only enjoy them tarted up and made into a kind of lasagne. To do this (serves 4): simmer two tins of chopped tomatoes (ideally Mutti’s pizza sauce), 2 generous tablespoons of tomato puree and a splash of olive oil and simmer until reduced a little. Add 1 x 250g packet of of filled ravioli to the sauce and simmer gently for six minutes, poking them under the surface from time to time. While this is happening, beat together 300g ricotta or cottage cheese, a good handful of grated pizza mozarella (not the fresh stuff), 3 heaped dessertspoonfuls of grated Parmesan, one egg and salt and pepper. When the tomato sauce and ravioli has cooked - the ravioloi should be very tender - tip it into a 20cm square baking dish or similar, spread the ricotta mixure over the top and cover generously with more of the grated pizza mozzarella (I reckon you’ll need about 400g in total - the more cheese the better.) Bake at 180C for 20 minutes.

Recipes: throw-it-in-a-pot orzo ragu, and sublime raising and sherry ice cream.

Throw-it-in-a-pot orzo ragu