Rub-a-dub-dub: what to eat in the tub?

Why we should all embrace bath snacks, plus the perfect tub toastie

A chap from the Times newspaper recently wrote about his morning bathtime routine. Apparently, his co-workers thought that starting each day with a bath, as he did, was such a notable phenomenon that he deserved eight hundred words in a national newspaper to share his scoop. But I have news for the Times: their man in the tub is an amateur.

Why? First, in his article he explained that the time he spent submerged each morning totalled ten minutes, an interlude he devoted to Thinking. Seriously? Ten whole minutes for bathing and brainstorming? That’s not long enough to decide what to eat for breakfast, let alone have an Archimedes moment. Second, he made no mention of bath snacks (more of which later) and therefore we must conclude the writer has no idea how to really enjoy a good tub.

I can say this because I’m an expert at taking baths. Since my student days, the tub has been a place to decompress, mentally distance myself from gnarly problems, come up with ideas or figure out how to tackle a piece of writing. Hot water relaxes the muscles and, combined with the scent of bath oil or bubbles, results in a mental shift that really is cathartic. (Hilary Mantel felt similarly about showers, taking them whenever she felt stuck. “I am the cleanest person I know,” she wrote in this very helpful piece for writers in the Guardian.)

There are other Big Name Bathers, too. One of them is the actor Gillian Anderson, who put paid to the notion that the claimed benefits of a long soak were nothing more than woo-woo nonsense. “Taking a bath really makes me feel like I am caring for myself on a profound level,” she said in this interview.

Taking a bath is also a soothing remedy for the dark, drawn out, chilly days of the British winter. As I write, the gauzy grey daylight has seeped away; it’s dark now, and not yet 4pm. The chill from walking the dog this morning has lingered all day and crept into my core, and I’m restless. The only cure is a long soak in a bath so scalding I have to lower myself into the water slowly, wincing. There must be steam. Sometimes I light a candle, an antidote of sorts to the lack of sunlight at this time of year. And I submerge myself for at least an hour.

There are no half measures. I have a lovely wooden bath tray, with a rack for resting books and magazines (or a phone if I fancy watching something). A circle-shaped indent accommodates a cup of tea or glass of wine - taking a bath without a beverage is pointless. And there’s plenty of space for bath snacks, because why not? Food makes everything better.

What makes a good bath snack? In this beautiful piece, out-of-season fruit explores the many ways in which the British have perfected the art of coping with gloom. And she correctly states, “A core tenet of mine is that food is best enjoyed when it matches the emotional tone of the moment.” That’s why some food is suitable for the bath, some are not appropriate at all.

I once wrote an article for Waitrose magazine about the different places people like to eat. And I asked novelist Charlotte Mendelson, a committed snacker-in-the-bath, to talk to me about her favourite aqueous feasts. The magazine cut her quotes out (was the bath too wickedly intimate for the Waitrose crowd?) but her insights are worth sharing here.

“Let’s be honest, I’ve never had a normal dinner there, no stir-frys or bowls of pasta - too many forks,” Mendelson explained, adding that the bath was a place for
snack-based eating. “Partly for ease of manipulation when reading, and partly because something portable and elegant adds to the feeling of luxury.”

This is it. Taking a bath is an indulgence, so the snacks you take with you must reflect this to maximise the effect. “Cheese on oatcakes with a dot of spiced chutney,” Mendelson ventured. “Two or three pre-peeled oranges are a regular go-to, or toast with challenging toppings: avocado, Marmite or my new addiction, tahini and honey and salt.” Then, warming to her subject, she concluded. “Trifle would be best. Bring me a bathtime trifle, and truly you will have my heart.”

I hope, one day, to carry a bowl of wibbly trifle upstairs to enjoy in a bubble bath. But generally, my snacks are a little more prosaic. On my bathtub tray you will often find crackers with punchy cheese, toast (no toppings that will slide off, as we don’t want bathwater soup), lovely shop-bought gyozas with a little bowl of ponzu sauce for dipping, cookies (although, savoury snacks are my preference), a plate of fresh and dried fruit, nuts and cured meats. Crisps and other salty bites. A few squares of dark chocolate.

But my favourite bathtub foods are luxe toasted sandwiches. They’re decadent but easy enough to prepare, not too messy, and can be eaten with one hand while I turn a page. If I get my timings right, I can prepare the sandwich, up to the point of frying, run and turn the bath taps on, and while it’s filling, I fry it.

This is perfect for over the festive period, when there are plenty of leftovers and the need to be on one’s own reaches its zenith. Just be sure to give yourself more than ten minutes because that really isn’t taking a proper bath.

The perfect toasted sandwich

This toastie is perfect for the bath but of course you can enjoy it anytime you fancy. Ideal for festive leftovers.